He Loves Me He Loves Me Yes!~ My Guy cont.

Gods’ word says we can do nothing apart from him. Abide in Me and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine neither can you, unless you abide in Me. I am the vine you are the branches.  He who abides in Me and I in him bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in Me he is cast out as a branch and is withered; and they gather them and throw them in the fire, and they are burned.  If you abide in Me and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire and it shall be done for you.  John 15: 4-7 NKJV

Our own goals of how we see our lives working out means nothing if it is not Gods plan, and He has one for each and every one of us. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him and he will make your paths straight. Proverb 3:5-6 NIV

I had not yielded to the Lords way of doing things too busy trying fruitless ways to store up brownie points in heaven, like when I invited a friend to church who like me had not gone in a long time. One Sunday morning while getting dressed for church, the old hymn I Must Tell Jesus came to mind. I sang loudly while getting ready until my friend picked me up in her vintage white Mercedes with no seat belts; yes that’s how we rolled in sunny California.

The church was very big and I suggested we sit in the balcony, you know to be inconspicuous. At least that’s how I felt being out of attendance for a while and had become a “twofer”.  That’s when you go to church only on Christmas and Easter Sunday. Hold on! I am not judging anyone because many unsaved and prodigals who go on those special Sundays, leave as babes in Christ, or have rededicated theirs lives to him. Glory be to God! I personally felt like every eye was on me, or maybe on my friend who had platinum blond hair, and looked a lot like Marilyn Monroe.

We settled into our seats as I noticed she was uneasy like me, if not more. I pointed to the order of service in the church program, then noticed I MUST TELL JESUS as the first hymn, the same song I was singing that morning! I couldn’t believe my eyes and started to dig my nails into her arm as she let out a wince. I told her ‘God’s trying to tell me something,I was singing that song this morning’. Unaware of my struggles she said, ‘It’s good you can look at it that way’. Now for readers who are not familiar with the hymn and even if you are, this is how our Heavenly Father chose to gradually draw me to himself, through praise.(please check out on YouTube I Must Tell Jesus, by Gaithers)

He Loves Me He Loves Me, Yes! ~ My Guy cont.

I attempted to do things like go to church to get back into God’s good graces, not willing to hand over the idol in my life. Meanwhile I grew content with our separation, hints of a productivity emerged, however my armor was shiny and hung in the closet.  Blind-sided by a phone call or knock at the door, efforts to resist temptation disappeared as soon as I heard his voice or saw his face.

It was either his fear of loosing me, or our mutual desire to be needed, which ever we were back on!  Deep down inside I wanted to set things right before God, so I subtly cried out to my grandparents.  Concerned I would disappoint them, I artfully tap danced around the sex subject. Grandma never came straight out and asked what I am sure she suspected, but come on! She was Holy Spirit filled and not born yesterday.

Hi lady,

You are such a grown young lady now it makes grand-dad and grand-ma so proud of you and much happy that you have learned to believe God and take him at his word, when he said “what so ever you ask the Father in my name I will give it to you. Ask so your joy may be full”. When you keep prayerful and obey his command you will have no hesitation in asking for what you want, and you will have it. We are also pleased you are attending church.  You have the right idea in waiting for direction from the Lord in making it your home church, be sure to ask him and wait for His answer. It pays to have others praying with you, for in unity there is strength.

We love you much and miss you too. But just to know God loves and cares for you and hear our prayers to take care of you, and help you to love him dearly, we have peace perfect peace because you are in his care. …just Love Him, Love Him and Love Him! He’ll never forsake you, nor leave you.

                        Closing with Much Love Ma & Dad (original excerpt from grand ma’s letter)

He Love Me He Loves Me, Yes! ~ My Guy cont.

More and more my focus became less about the goals to work in the television industry, more on the relationship which consumed my thoughts from when I woke up, till when I laid down.  My sense of worth decreased to the point where my needs and desires were not important.  I was obsessed with figuring out how to make him happy or what to do on the next date.  Jealousy ruled my heart, in my mind a twisted expression of how much I loved him.  He eventually suggested we separate for a while to focus on our goals, I thought- I- would die.

Irrational thoughts that he had found another girl filled my head, crying binges became a daily occurrence, while lame attempts to wean myself from him like a drug failed.  I lived a double life pretending all was under control at work and school, only to break down when I got home.  My guy thrived at his film making skills, while my developing obsessive tendencies drained all my creative juices.

Over time a Bachelor of Arts degree in Television Production was issued. Doors to Industry jobs began to open, and my self-esteem rose a little bit. Encouraged, I read the bible more and prayed selfish prayers plotting how I could get him back.  We had abstained from sexual activity, although the main roadblock in my head was his lack of spirituality.  I felt that had to be dealt with, only then I fantasized God would grant the desire of my heart, “my guy”.

God promises to provide a way of escape when His children are tempted and help us endure the temptation as we walk through it. No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind.  And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bare.  But when you are tempted; he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. I Corinthians 10:13 NIV

Could I have claimed that promise? Our separation was clearly a way to flee, but I had my own agenda. 

Photo by Leon Macapagal on Pexels.com

He Loves Me He Loves Me, Yes! ~ My Guy cont.

I was not ready to tell them about him nor our romps, like the trip we took over the border.

I guess Tiauna Mexico was another thing on my guys bucket list.  The plan was to visit the desert eat authentic Mexican food and have more “romps”. To my surprise he brought a gun on the trip purchased from a pawnshop, the thought of target practice in the desert made me uneasy. I had seen rifles and pistols before since my grand-pa was a farmer and owned several. Living on the edge made me imagine all sorts of things, like my love my heart my guy, popping me and burying me in a sand dune. I asked him to put it away, he was determined to shoot a few rounds in the Mexican desert, and that’s exactly what he did.

Out of nowhere a truck approached from a cloud of dust, so we jumped into our car my guy hid the gun in the perfect place, the glove compartment. About four Mexican men walked towards us and demanded we get out. They were talking in Spanish then asked for the gun. My guy pretended he didn’t understand what they were saying; he was not going to willingly hand over his newly purchased “toy”. They threatened to take us to jail and I started to cry.  I begged him to just give them the gun and think about our families.

…ink stained water.

My biggest fear was playing out in front of us there in a Mexican desert. One of the men said, “listen to your girlfriend”. At that moment I felt they were not going to hurt us, they just wanted the gun. Another man who searched the car said, “look what I found”, as he held up the pistol.  They piled into their truck, told us to move on leaving in the same cloud of dust. I felt relieved and knew in my heart God had saved us. My guy drove until evening sulked all the way, as we found another adventure, this time harmless actually beautiful. We sat together quietly on a beach, looked out onto a sleepy sun that kissed an orange filled sky, draped over calm ink stained water.

He Loves Me, He Loves Me, Yes! ~My Guy cont.

I prayed for protection before each date to have strength and read bible verses, especially the ones on sex. Flee from sexual immorality! All other sin a person commits are outside the body but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.  Do you not know that your bodies are a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?  You are not your own; you were bought at a price.  Therefore honor God with your bodies.  1Corinthians 6:18-20 NIV

Are you willing to accept the previous bible verse which is a command?  God expects us to be holy as he is holy and knows what is best for his children. My conscience was never at peace, trying to “be good” in my own strength was fruitless. Truth be told I was not ready to give up my second love, undoubtedly I was gradually forgetting my first.

I believe to this day my grand parents’ prayers of protection kept me from hidden dangers and traps, as seen in this original excerpt from a letter sent to me while living in California.

(Hi Lady-Ma & Dad were really glad to hear from you, we understand you had to get adjusted. We are thankful you are all right and everything is working together for your good. That is just like the Master, He heard us and will continue to answer our prayers concerning you.  You too honey keep on speaking terms with the Lord, and desiring and doing His will. We are happy to know God has given you the grit to go forward and stick to the gun, which means courage and Faith…)

Me Grandpa & Grandma

I really was not on “speaking terms” with God like grand-ma mentioned, but living in disobedience which caused me to pull away. I stopped praying as often cutback on reading the bible, and totally separated myself from other Christians, all necessary things to maintain a close relationship with our Heavenly Father. Sometimes I wondered if I was really saved, I had learned some head knowledge of the bible, but my heart was not invested.

“Sticking to my guns” with evening college courses and holding down a full time job was not a problem.  Keeping secret the Ferris Wheel life I was beginning to live was an entirely different story.  I certainly was not living by faith and hadn’t revealed to them the news about my guy, content to tell them about everything else. You know how we think if we eliminate some of the facts, sharing only the good stuff sounds more believable?  Well I am here to tell you it is merely another flavor of deceit. I was not ready to tell them about him nor our romps, like the trip we took over the border.

He Loves Me He Loves Me, Yes! Chapter One~My Guy

It was the mid-eighties when I moved from my aunt Rose’s home in Chicago to Hollywood California, with plans to continue my undergraduate studies.  Within the next two years transfer credits would be applied, and a Bachelor of Arts in Television Production secured. The last thing my professor said in Chicago was, ‘make mega bucks‘.  I felt uncomfortable with that farewell since my mind was on the adventure not the career aspect of things.   Excitement, fear, determination, all ruled my emotions, but some things quickly developed as I planted my stakes in sunny California.  Jane Fonda workouts, tuna salad sandwiches with sprouts, and jogging were just a few guilty pleasures.  I was ready to take on the world, unfortunately like so many stories of college bound young folk who leave the nest, plans don’t always stay on course.  Maybe you can relate and pick up the story from here, but please allow me to continue.

It began something like this…virgin girl meets virgin boy in college, he from India, she from Chicago.  Girl notices handsome brooding motorcycle riding helmet in hand guy in her Television Production class.  Guy asks cute petite African American girl with Farah Faucet hairdo, if she’d like to ride on his motorbike.  I said yes.  We were inseparable and became each other’s first love.   We both studied hard and were competitive, but my sensitive and nurturing side took over, so much so all I thought about was my “guy”.  Don’t get me wrong, I graduated with honors but my plans to move back home seemed pointless.  I was bitten by the “Hollywood Curse”, and had to at least try to make it in Cali, besides neither of us were ready to let go of our blossoming relationship.

My guy took me on many romps like racing up to the Hollywood Hills on his motorbike, while haunting thoughts filled my mind of some tragic end.  I was drawn to his dare devilish ways, so we spent more and more time together.  Despite being taught Christian values by my grand- parents, the attraction of new adventures with a guy who seemed to look for every untraveled path, seduced me.  I prayed for protection before each date to have strength, and read bible verses, especially the ones on sex.

Photo by fabio.tsu on Pexels.com

I am especially writing this book for you single mothers. If you think no one understands what you are going through or how you are feeling having to do all that you do, I am right here with you, been there and still doing that. For every sobering statistic gathered about single parent homes, I can offer you a truth in Gods word that gives us hope; when we trust in the Lord Jesus Christ as our Savior.

Life was either too busy, I could not focus, or I did not feel qualified to write this book. The Holy Spirit helps me to step out in faith, and I desire to encourage all the moms especially you single moms. My story is not complete as I am still walking the journey, but not alone. For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son that whosoever believes in him shall not parish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because they have not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son. John 3:16-18 NIV

So you find out you are pregnant and feel like you’re up against a brick wall. What will you do? Who can you tell? Where can you go? You can believe in God’s promises in the Bible and know He has a purpose for your life. There will be trials, and choices made could dictate some level of consequences. Forgiveness, Mercy, and Grace demonstrated by a Holy God saturates my personal story. I invite you to surrender your all to Him, to the God who sees.

Be encouraged!

He Loves Me He Loves Me, Yes!

I dedicate this book to my daughter. Who can explain the love a mother has for her children? I knew I wanted you from the very beginning, but I didn’t know how I would care for you. I gave you life, you saved mine. Our future was seemingly unknown but my love for you was sure.

I don’t think I desired more than what any mother-to-be would want for her unborn child, only to bring it into the world safely. We are armed with this protective nature which God engraved in our very being, anything less goes against that natural loving instinct.

Love Momma😘

Protected: Pro Life Letter From The Editor

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password:

Who Is Fighting For Me?

Hello Single Moms & Other Readers

A ground breaking decision for life, of the unborn babies is happening now. It’s a matter which is very dear to my heart.  A vote was just passed in the U.S. House yesterday to ban late term abortions (20 weeks) in the womb. I urge you to read my post entitled Pro-Life Letter From The Editor, and challenge you to consider where you stand on the subject of life for the unborn.

Now the bill moves to the U.S. Senate and there are members who want to reject this legislation and not even have it put up for a vote.

If you support life for the unborn, please sign on to a petition at ACLJ.ORG, and have your voice heard. Check out other articles on the site explaining how they defend life.  I also did my homework, googled information about late term abortions etc.  I make choices everyday about so many things, and decided to support a cause which I feel God has put on my heart to speak up for.

Last but never least I encourage you to pray because it is on our knees before our Lord Jesus that the tide of Choice can be turned for Life.  Please share your heart with Him about this crucial matter; for the unborn, the women faced with the choice to have their baby, the organizations who are pro-choice, and our government.  The God of all creation wants to hear from us. His holy word says:

“I urge then, first of all, that petitions prayers intercession, and thanksgiving be made for all people-

for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quite lives in godliness and holiness.

This is good, and pleases God our Savior, who wants all people to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth.  1Timothy 2:1-4 NIV